This post will be about how overly strict, punitive parenting can cause a child to
have many issues and how it can contribute
to childhood depression.
The problem with overly strict parenting is they use punishment instead of consequences. Overly strict parents tend to make very strict rules that they expect their children to follow all of the time without question and if
the child misbehaves the child is often punished
too harshly.
Overly strict parents rarely
give any reasons for the rules.
They don’t explain why something is wrong
or why the child shouldn’t do something.
They often say, “Because I said so”.
Every child has heard, because I said so, at least once but overly
strict parents seem to say it all the time.
Overly strict parents provide
for their child’s basic needs but tend to be emotionally distant and show little warmth or affection. They may not provide the unconditional love and nurturing their children need.
Without
love, warmth, affection, praise and kindness a child can feel unloved, lonely, like
he’s bad and they often feel very sad. They
can feel hopeless because there is
nothing they can do to stop their parent’s strict rules.
These children can have poor
coping skills and may need a lot of therapy. They tend to be very unhappy. They may feel like there is no one
there for them to talk too, to help them, to listen to them or care
about them. Sometimes the only positive
person in a child’s life is their therapist.
These children may learn to keep all their emotions inside, stuffing them deep down, trying
to hide them. Hiding sadness and pain only makes them worse. These children can often feel an underlying resentment and anger
which could eventually come out as aggression
but usually not toward their parent.
Children of overly strict parents may have trouble making decisions because
they’re rarely given any choices. Children need choices so they can learn to weigh their options and
decide which is best, to learn how to make decisions.
These children can also have trouble developing age
appropriate problem solving skills. Since they are
constantly told what to do, they aren’t
allowed to figure things out on
their own. They aren’t
encouraged to explore their world, learn new things or how to take safe risks with a parent’s loving and nurturing guidance.
These children can feel fearful
of the world, anxious and shy.
They can become overly dependent and may not develop self-discipline because they are constantly told what to do and are rarely allowed to overcome obstacles or challenges on their own.
Children of overly strict parents can have very low self-esteem, thinking
they can’t do anything right or thinking everything they do is bad. They can have very poor social skills because they may never be taught
how to act in social situations or how to interact with others. They may not even be allowed to interact with others.
When the child is interacting with others, he
may feel uneasy and unsure of himself. He may be afraid of doing or saying something wrong, stupid or bad.
He may have little self-confidence and may think he’s not good enough.
Children of overly strict parents tend to be obedient, they follow the rules and may
do well in school but they
may feel if they don’t succeed or do what they are told their parents won’t accept them or love them. Every child wants to be loved. These children may seem to do well but they
may not feel any happiness, joy or hope in their success.
All the things I just wrote about can contribute along with
other factors to depression and anxiety. These children may be more likely to internalize their depression and hide
their pain which only makes them
worse but with therapy there is hope.
In my next post I will talk about how the worst parenting
type of all and how it can affect childhood depression.
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