You feel your nose tingle and burn like bees swarming. Then the clouds in your eyes open up as the
tempest swirls you into the whipping whirlpool of torment and shame.
You struggle to keep your head above water but the tears
drown out any life, any hope till all that’s left is a maelstrom of anger,
self-hate and despair spinning you every which way.
You see the world pass you by but all you can do is loose the
damn and let the tears rage through the winding river of misery that is your
life, your heart and your mind.
There is no use begging for freedom because it will never
come. You’re stuck in your own private
Hell as it’s churning and turning tear you apart, crushing the hopes and dreams
of a normal life; throwing you into an agony beyond description, beyond the
understanding of most people.
So you sit alone, lost in your terrible world wishing for a
death you know will never come, striving for a peace you know doesn’t exist but
still you wait for the darkness to rip open every scar, every wound as you sink
into your cruel existence; yearning for a different reality, longing to stop
feeling anything but feeling is all you do.
A wish for emptiness feeds a hunger you can’t control, feeds
a thirst that will never be quenched.
You are stuck, stuck in the devastation as you’re surrounded by the
normal laughter and smiles of the other kids.
You sit knowing they are talking about you, laughing at you,
calling you stupid because that’s what you call yourself; ugly and stupid. Your pathetic life is on display for everyone to
see.
You wish to be invisible without realizing you already are
invisible. No one is looking at you,
talking about you because no one cares.
No one sees you. No one knows you
exist.
You suffer in silence waiting for
the day you finally have the strength to end your struggle. Will that day come? You want it to come but you know fear and terror
of death always stops you.
You spend your life not living but dying a slow, agonizing,
painful death. No light exists, no hope
endures. Nothing is all you have. Nothing is all you are. To truly be nothing is all you want.
You ache for that nothing as you waste away,
slipping deeper into that pit of despair; that pit that eats you alive,
devouring everything good, consuming all knowledge; leaving you bewildered,
hurt and lonely, so lonely.
If only you hadn’t been born.
If only you were somebody else.
If only the darkness didn’t exist.
What would a life without pain feel like? Fear infests you as you wonder about the
happiness other people feel. “I’ve been
alone, afraid and in pain for so long. Could
I live without them? Could I ever be
normal or would I collapse under the weight of joy?”
My mind hurts as I think about the damage depression and
anxiety causes, especially to a child who is overlooked. Just remember not all children who suffer
from depression and anxiety get into trouble.
Some make good grades and never cause problems until it’s almost too
late. Talk to your kids about how they
feel and what they think. Let them know
whatever they feel is OK. Help them see
the light that shines deep inside them.
Let them know there is hope, no matter what, there is hope.
