Childhood Suicide Part 2

If you are concerned that your child may be suicidal, take the child to the hospital immediately for assessment.  This post is a continuation of my previous post on childhood suicide.  In my previous posts I wrote about my own first suicide attempt when I was 8.  In this post I will be writing about suicide and the suicide attempt of a 5-year-old little boy I worked with. 

 

I said it before, Hopelessness can be a good indicator of suicidal thinking but something else to look for in children is an increased interest about death and dieing.  It’s normal for a child to ask some questions about death and heaven but notice if the child is talking about death more than usual or is asking more questions about death and heaven or Jesus than usual.    

 

When I worked in a psychiatric hospital, one of the patients was a 5-year-old little boy.  He was in the hospital because he had tried to kill himself.  Beforehand he had asked his mom a lot of questions about death. 

 

A relative had died and the boy heard everyone say he was in a better place.   The boy wanted to know where that place was.  His mom told him about heaven and Jesus.  He was too young to really understand what death means but he knew if he died no one could hurt him again.  He knew he’d be safe in heaven and safe with Jesus because his mom had told him he would.  She didn’t realize why he was asking those questions. 

 

The little boy had been in a regular hospital and a male hospital worker had molested him.  When the 5-year-old boy went home, he was afraid the man would come to his house and hurt him again. 

 

The little boy was so afraid that he set his house on fire because he knew it would kill him.  His mom always told him to stay away from matches and lighters because they would cause a fire and he’d get killed.  He wanted to die so he could go to heaven and no one could ever hurt him again.  He just wanted to be safe.  In this instance his suicide attempt was a very impulsive act.  Children are much more impulsive than adults but some children are naturally more impulsive than others.  

 

When the little boy first came to the psych hospital, he was a terror.  He was very impulsive and hard to control.  He would scream, cry and bang his head against the walls and windows.  He would growl and make his hands like claws.  He would grab people and things out of people’s hands.  He had a very hard time controlling himself. 

 

He was extremely difficult to work with.  There wasn’t a lot I could do.  Then his psychiatrist put him on a medication and within a few days he was a different child.  He was calm, sweet, playful and loving.  I couldn’t believe the difference. 

 

I don’t usually agree with putting children on medication but I realize some children may really need meds.  Those meds helped that little boy.  It was so good to see him doing better.  I was amazed.  Like I said, I don’t usually agree with putting children on meds because I have seen firsthand that some children are over medicated but in some cases it may be necessary.  

Do you think children in this country are overmedicated?

 

Thank you so much for reading my posts.  I welcome any comments.  I just ask that you be respectful.          

 

Childhood Suicide Part 1

If you are concerned that your child may be suicidal take him or her to a hospital so they can be assessed immediately.  Childhood suicide is difficult to talk about because it is a painful subject but also because there are people who think it doesn’t exist. 

Some people think children aren’t old enough to understand death and what it means.  I disagree.  I was 8 years old the first time I tried to kill myself.  I knew enough about death to understand it was the only way to stop my pain. 

Some people also think if a child tries to kill himself, he is doing it for attention.  That’s not accurate.  Research has shown children kill themselves and try to kill themselves for the same reasons adults do.  They can no longer stand the pain and suffering of their depression.  They want to get out of a terrible situation and they see no other way out and because they are hopeless. 

Hopelessness can be a good indicator that a child or anyone may be at least thinking about suicide. 

The thing about childhood suicide attempts is that what a child thinks will kill them may not match the reality of what can actually kill them.  My first suicide attempt is an example of that.

When I was 8 years old I was raped by a 15-year-old cousin.  I was already suffering from depression but the rape pushed me over the edge.  The next day I went to my neighbor’s house and lay across the middle of their driveway. 

I wasn’t allowed on the driveway.  My mom kept telling me every day to stay away from the driveway because I’d get run over and die.  I wanted to die.  It was the only way to stop the pain.  I couldn’t stand it anymore.  Pain was all I had left.  I felt like all the good in me had gone and would never come back.  I couldn’t stand myself.  I couldn’t stand my suffering.  I wanted to stop feeling anything.        

I wanted a car to run over me so I would die then I wouldn’t have to think about what my abusers and my rapist had done to me, I wouldn’t have to be afraid they’d do it again and I wouldn’t have to feel the guilt and shame because it was my fault but my plan didn’t work.  I didn’t know how to make it work.

I went back inside my house and thought about drinking some bleach but I couldn’t reach it.  Then I looked under the kitchen sink.  I knew vinegar wouldn’t kill me.  Mom walked in on me as I was looking for a knife.  She asked me what I was doing.  I told her I was getting a knife for a peanut butter sandwich.  Mom stayed in the kitchen, cooking.  I walked past her.  She asked about my sandwich.  I told her I changed my mind. 

Then I went to my room and cried.  That was the first time I wanted to die in order to stop the pain but it wasn’t the last. 

If you notice or think that a child has symptoms of childhood depression and you notice the child is acting odd or is looking for something they know is dangerous, take action.  Ask them what they are doing.  They may say “Nothing” but keep talking to them and don’t be afraid to ask if they are trying to hurt or kill themselves.

My next post will be about the childhood suicide attempt of a little boy I worked with.      

What a Depressed Child Thinks and Feels Part 2

Childhood depression causes a pain and torment that is hard to explain.  It can shatter a child's resolve and leave her hopeless and afraid of her terrible thoughts and the feelings those thoughts bring.  I will share the terrible thoughts and feelings of my childhood that made me pray for death. 

As a depressed child gets older what they think and feel can change and evolve.  In my last post I said that my automatic negative thoughts changed some as I got older.  What I thought when I was 5 or 8 was different than what I thought at 10 or 12 or 15.  I was depressed for a really long time. 

 

When I got a little older my thoughts sent me into a hell of misery and hate.  It was a hell I couldn’t escape.  Like many depressed children I was constantly thinking, “I’m ugly, weak and pathetic. There is nothing good about me. There will never be anything good about me. The world is cold and unfeeling. The world hates me and I hate myself for being me. I will be old and alone for the rest of my life. I am nothing”.  I truly thought I was nothing.

 

I felt the same as many depressed children; like I didn’t matter, my life didn’t matter, nothing mattered.  I wished I had never been born and there were a few times when I tried to correct the mistake of my birth but I’ll talk more about childhood suicide next time.    

 

Often times people including children with depression say, “I feel empty”, but that’s not accurate.  When you’re depressed you want to feel empty but you can’t.  You are so full of negative emotions all you do is feel.  The problem is you can’t stop feeling; feeling the sadness of despair and hopelessness, the pain of loneliness and shame, the desperation of fear and anxiety, and the anger of hurt and guilt.  Children often feel guilt and shame, especially if they have been abused or raped like I was.  Those feelings never leave you and they are hard to control.    

 

When you are a depressed child you are overflowing with emotions you can’t control.  You’re not empty, you’re never empty, you just can’t see yourself and the world as it really is.  I saw an ugly world so full of hurt I couldn’t see anything else.  The ugliness of my world made me feel like I had no value, no purpose, no meaning.  There was no reason for my life, no reason for me.  Many children who suffer from depression feel the same way.    

 

Like them, I wanted my life to matter.  I wanted a reason to live.  I wanted to know happiness.  I wanted so many things but I was too young to understand what was wrong with me.  I understand now but it took me a long time.  It took a lot of therapy, 4 years of undergraduate psychology courses and 2 years of graduate clinical psychology courses. 

 

Now I hope to help others learn about childhood depression so they can finally see the children who are lost in the darkness of despair.  I want those children to get the help they so desperately need and to help them find the light that is hiding deep within them, the light all children have, the happiness and hope all children deserve.       

 

How can a parent help their child understand that it's OK to feel bad or sad? 

I welcome any comments.  I just ask that you be respectful.  My next few posts will be some of the most difficult posts.  They’ll be about examples of childhood suicide attempts.  Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog. 

 

What a Depressed Child Thinks and Feels Part 1

Depressed children think and feel differently than children who aren’t depressed.  Their pain affects how they see themselves and the world.  The darkness they carry eats away at their insides until there is little goodness left.  Their terrible thoughts and feelings run circles in their mind.  Depression is a heavy load to carry on the tiny shoulders of child who doesn’t belong.   

 

Like I said, how a depressed child thinks is very different than how a non-depressed child thinks.  The depressed brain tends to think in 3 ways.  It thinks everything is negative or bad, there is nothing it can do to make things better and nothing will ever change.  Life will always be bad. 

 

The depressed brain is full of automatic negative thoughts.  When a depressed child thinks about something they automatically think negatively about it.  No matter what it is, the first thing that pops into a depressed child’s brain is negative.  It’s just easier for a depressed brain to think about and remember anything bad or negative but I’ll talk more about the brains of depressed children in future posts.  These terrible thoughts of childhood depression can influence us every day.   

 

Thoughts, feeling and behaviors are all connected.  Our automatic negative thoughts effect how we feel and what we do.  An example could be a child thinks he is stupid.  This thought makes him feel bad and makes him think there is nothing he can do to be smarter or get better grades so he may not study.  Then when he makes a bad grade he uses that as evidence that he really is stupid.  We all know that if a child doesn’t study he will make a bad grade but the depressed brain doesn’t see that.  It only sees pain.       

 

The depressed child will constantly think about one bad experience and tell themselves everything else will turn out just as bad.  The depressed child sees a positive experience as a fluke and thinks nothing positive will ever happen again.  When the depressed child thinks about the future, he predicts bad things will happen.   

 

The depressed child looks at a bad experience and blows it out of proportion, like thinking one rejection is the end of the world.  One rejection means rejection for the rest of their lives.  The depressed child thinks in should terms, “I should do this or I should be that. Why can’t I be like everyone else?” 

 

That is one of the most painful things about childhood depression; seeing other children laughing, playing sports, making friends so easily.  Depressed children desperately want to be normal.  They know there is something wrong, something different about them but they don’t understand what it is.     

 

I know from experience the turmoil of childhood depression.  My suffering began when I was 5 but what I thought and how I felt changed as I got older. 

 

At first I thought everything was my fault, I was bad and I was being punished.  I was actually a very good child but I couldn’t see that.  As I got older my thoughts became even more negative and damaging.  I still thought the same as when I was 5 but I also thought, “I’m stupid. I’m ugly. No one cares about me. No one will ever care about me. No one will ever like me”.  These thoughts caused a sorrow that consumed me. 

How can a parent help give their child hope? 

My thoughts continued to get worse the older I got but I will talk a little more about that in my next post.  I just ask anyone who comments be respectful of others.  Thank you so much.

Shyness and Childhood Depression and Anxiety Part 2

This post will be a continuation of my post on shyness and depression and anxiety.  Some of my information has been taken from the American Psychological Association (2009).  The rest of my information comes from my education and my own experiences. 

 

I said it before, shyness is not a mental illness but it may be a symptom of an underlying anxiety issue, an underlying fearfulness or depression. 

 

 I’m asking everyone to please notice shy, quiet children.  Notice children who have trouble making friends, children who sit alone, children who cry easily, who are overly sensitive.  Ask them if they are OK.  They may say they are fine but keep an eye on them.  Don’t let these children suffer in silence. 

 

Everyone focuses so much on children with behavioral problems they overlook the pain of the shy children who are considered good.  Good children can hurt too.  Sometimes they hurt the most.  Many people say that shyness is just part of the child’s personality but they don’t ask why is it part of their personality. 

 

Personality is an interaction between biology and environment.  Yes, some children are born a little more emotionally reactive, a little more anxious or fearful and yes some environments can contribute to shyness but shy children can overcome their shyness with a little help.  

Therapists can help children learn coping skills and teach them and their parents how to improve confidence and social skills.  Just remember, therapy is good.  It’s not bad and it can help a child a great deal. 

 

If you have or know a shy child take notice.  Ask them some questions about what they think and how they feel.  Notice their social interactions; ask teachers about their social interactions during class, recess, lunch and gym.  If you have concerns take your child to a therapist or other professional.  Tell them your concerns and let them assess your child.  I’ll say it again.  Don’t let a child suffer in silence.  Help them find the goodness inside themselves and hope for the future.

 

I know from experience how much pain a shy child can have.  It’s agony.  The pain doesn’t necessarily come from being shy but shy children tend to have a harder time dealing with the traumas and experiences that often contribute to depression.  Shy children tend to be more emotional, tend to feel emotions more deeply and may have a harder time dealing with those emotions. 

 

I’m going to vent a little bit here.  People are so worried about not wanting to label a child as mentally ill that they overlook children or even ignore children who need help or children who could benefit from therapy. 

 

Just because a child is shy and has some anxiety issues or depression and is getting help from a therapist doesn’t mean the child is crazy but there are people in our society who will label them that way and stigmatize anyone who sees a therapist or psychiatrist.  That, unfortunately, is the reality of our world and the ignorance of many people.  Stop looking at the labels our culture, our society puts on people and just think about helping the children who need it.  Labels don’t matter to a child who is suffering.  They just want to stop feeling pain.    

 

Do you think shyness should be labeled as a disorder?   I welcome any comments.  I just ask that you be respectful to everyone.  My next few posts will be about what a child suffering from depression can think and feel.  Thank you so much.   

 

Shyness and Childhood Depression and Anxiety Part 1

In this post I’d like to talk about shyness and childhood depression and anxiety.  Some of my information has been taken from the American Psychological Association (2009).  The rest of my information comes from my education in clinical psychology and my own experiences. 

 

Shyness is not a mental illness.  It’s not a psychiatric disorder but many of the characteristics of shyness can be the same symptoms used to diagnose depression or an anxiety disorder. 

 

Children who are shy may avoid social situations and social interactions.  They may not have many friends because they are anxious around new people or people they don’t know well.  They may have very negative thoughts and feelings about themselves, the world and the future.  Many shy children have a very hard time standing up for themselves.  They can be withdrawn, overly sensitive and overly emotional.  These issues are very similar to the symptoms of childhood depression and may at least in part be caused by depression.  

 

Not all shy children have depression but many shy children can have an underlying anxiety issue or fearfulness that may need to be addressed.  There are different levels of shyness, different levels of avoidance and different levels of anxiety and depression.  The symptoms could be mild, moderate or severe depending on how many symptoms the child has, how often they happen and how much they affect a child’s ability to function.

 

Like I said not all shy children suffer from depression but those that do are often overlooked or even ignored because they have a tendency to internalize their pain.  Internalizing just means they turn all their pain and negative thoughts inward at themselves.  Many shy children suffer in silence.  I was a very shy, quiet, depressed and anxious child.  I internalized my pain.  I know what it’s like to suffer in silence.

 

I was so shy and afraid, I had a very hard time interacting with others I didn’t know well.  I hated going to crowded places.  I would always hide behind my momma’s leg and hold onto her for dear life.  I had difficulty making friends at school.  I often thought, “Nobody likes me. Nobody wants to play with me. I’ll never have friends. What’s wrong with me?”, as I sat alone at recess and cried. 

 

At first my teachers ignored my tears but I guess I cried too often.  Finally, one of my teachers yelled at me.  She told me to stop crying so much.  Then she called me a cry baby.  She said it in front of the entire class.  I was so embarrassed, humiliated and ashamed.  After that I tried not to cry at school but at times I couldn’t help it so I hid my eyes away from the teachers, away from the other children.  Embarrassing and humiliating a child for crying, only makes the child’s pain worse. 

 

My teacher made me feel weak and like I was a bad person.  I wasn’t a bad child.  I always did what I was told.  I never got into trouble.  I was always a very good child but I didn’t see the real world.  Pain, loneliness, guilt and shame were my reality and I don’t want them to be another child’s reality.  As a side note, please don’t punish a child for crying or being emotional.  Don’t make a child feel bad for who they are. 

Do you think a child should be sent to a therapist because of shyness?

 

I’ll end here for now.  My next post will be about shyness as well.  I hope these posts are helping people understand the struggles some children go through.  I ask that anyone who would like to comment be respectful of others.  Thank you so much. 

 

Symptoms of Childhood Depression Part 4

 This post will be my last post, for now, on possible symptoms of childhood depression.  My next posts will be about shyness and childhood depression.  As I’ve said before, my information is coming from my education, my own experiences suffering with childhood depression and my experiences working with the mentally ill. 

 

If a caregiver has any concerns that a child is suffering from depression, have the child assessed by a mental health professional.  If you notice that a child has 3 or more of these symptoms for most of the day, nearly every day for more than 2 weeks it could be a concern. 

 

Childhood depression is very difficult to go through.  It truly is living in Hell.  A depressed child may think they are not good enough or that they are bad even if they never get into trouble.  They may say they are stupid or nobody likes them.  They may think everything is their fault.  Everything they think about themselves is very negative.     

 

Depressed children may constantly think about past failure or rejection.  They may constantly think about future failure or rejection.  They may think that they’ll never be good at anything, like there is no hope for them.  Hopelessness is the worst thing about childhood depression.  Children are supposed to feel like they can accomplish anything but depressed children may not be able to see any goodness or light in their future.      

 

A depressed child may also have trouble remembering things.  They may have trouble learning something new.  As I said in a previous post, their brain may have trouble focusing, concentrating and understanding.  They may be easily distracted.  Their grades may drop.  They may have trouble at school.  They may have behavior problems or they may not participate in class or during out of class activities.  They may have trouble or be afraid of making decisions or answering questions because of low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. 

 

I’d like to add a note here.  If your child does well in school and makes good grades it doesn’t mean she’s not depressed.  I did really well in school, I made good grades, I never got into any kind of trouble but I suffered from depression my entire childhood.      

 

This will be the last symptom of childhood depression that I will talk about for now.  It is also the worst symptom.  A child who is depressed may think a lot about death or suicide.  They may try to kill themselves.  A depressed child may talk a lot about death or ask a lot of questions about death like, “Does it hurt?”  The child may ask a lot of questions about heaven, God and Jesus.  They may seem preoccupied with dying.  

 

No one wants to think a child is in so much pain that they will kill themselves but I know from my own experiences some depressed children see death as a way out of their unbearable pain, maybe the only way out.  I tried to kill myself when I was 8 then again when I was 9 but nobody ever knew.  I hid it because I didn’t want to be stopped but I will talk more about childhood suicide attempts in future posts.    

 

I really hope these posts about symptoms of childhood depression have been helpful.  My next few posts will be about shyness and childhood depression and anxiety.  I’d appreciate any comments.  I’m also interested in hearing about other people’s experiences with childhood depression and their symptoms.  I just ask that everyone be respectful of others.  Thank you so much. 

 

Symptoms of Childhood Depression Part 3

This post will be a continuation of previous posts about symptoms of childhood depression.  My information is coming from my education and my own experiences as someone who suffered from childhood depression as well as my experiences working with psychiatric patients and clients.

 

If a caregiver has any concerns that a child is suffering from depression; have the child assessed by a therapist, counselor or other mental health professional.  Most of these symptoms are normal to have every now and then but if you notice a child has 3 or more of these symptoms that occur most of the day, nearly every day for more than 2 weeks then it could be a concern.  Now back to the symptoms. 

 

A depressed child may sleep too much or not enough.  Again depression affects children differently and symptoms can vary from child to child.  One child may sleep more and a different child my sleep less. 

 

The child may sleep longer or more often.  He may go to bed earlier and sleep later or may nap more often.  A child who rarely took naps before may take several naps a day.  One problem you may have is you think your child is sleeping but he may just be in bed crying and thinking terrible thoughts, pretending he is asleep. 

 

Some depressed children may have trouble sleeping.  She may have a hard time falling asleep.  If she does fall asleep, she may wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back to sleep or the child may wake up too early and have trouble falling back to sleep. 

 

A child may have trouble sleeping because all the negative thoughts they have are constantly running through their mind keeping them up.  Some depressed children can’t calm their brains down enough to fall asleep or some children may not want to sleep because of bad dreams or nightmares.   

 

Some depressed children may be more agitated than usual.  A child may have trouble sitting still.  The child may pace the floor.  They may fiddle with their clothes or other objects.  The child may seem on edge all the time and may startle more easily.  If your child has never had ADHD but you notice these agitated behaviors, it might be a concern. 

 

It may take a depressed child longer to think.  It may take the child longer to answer a question.  Their brain may need extra time because they can have trouble focusing, concentrating or understanding and may need more time to figure out what you want.  They may be so overwhelmed by their inner negative thoughts that it’s hard for them to pay attention to anything else. Also, their speech may be slower.  They may speak with a softer voice or they may not speak at all. 

 

A depressed child may say he’s always tired or he may seem very tired most of the time.  The child may want to just sit around or lie around and do nothing.  When a child does do something they may complain it’s too tiring.  It may take more effort for a child to do things.  It may take longer for a child to do things, maybe even twice as long.  I know from experience sometimes it’s hard to just move.  Depression, especially childhood depression, is exhausting.

 

I’ll end here for now.  My next post will be more about symptoms of childhood depression then I’ll move onto shyness and childhood depression.  Thank you for taking the time to try and understand childhood depression better.  I welcome comments.  I just ask that you be respectful.  

 

Symptoms of Childhood Depression Part 2

This post will be a continuation from my first post about possible symptoms of childhood depression.  My information is coming from my education, my own experiences as someone who suffered with childhood depression and my experiences working with the mentally ill. 

 

If a caregiver has any concerns that a child is suffering from depression; have the child assessed by a therapist, counselor or other mental health professional.  Most of these symptoms are normal to have every now and then but if you notice a child has 3 or more of these symptoms that occur most of the day, nearly every day for more than 2 weeks then it could be a concern.  Let’s get back to the symptoms. 

 

Many depressed children may appear to not enjoy life or not enjoy the things they used to be interested in.  They may not have many friends.  If they do they may spend less time with those friends or may stop playing with friends all together.  They may not enjoy sports they once liked or they may stop playing sports.  A depressed child may have little or no interest in playing with their toys, drawing or coloring.  They may play outside less or not at all.  They may stop reading books they like or stop playing video games.  If you notice your child doesn’t seem to have any fun or enjoy anything, you may want to get the child assessed or at least look to see if he has any other symptoms.

 

Some symptoms are more visible than others.  Like a depressed child may experience weight loss or weight gain. You may notice the child is eating less or maybe less often.  The child may not be gaining the weight that is expected as she grows.  I said in my previous post that depression can cause nausea and stomach problems.  Because of this some depressed children may not want to eat.  For some children the opposite may be true. 

 

You may notice the child is eating more food than usual and more often.  Some children may become emotional eaters.  I have seen some parents tell their children that eating will make them feel better.  It’s not a good idea to say that to children.  That can contribute to a child becoming someone who tries to stuff down all their pain with food instead of talking about what is making them feel bad.  Also when a child is under stress their bodies may crave carbohydrates like pasta and bread. 

 

I know it may seem odd that weight loss or weight gain can be symptoms.  Usually people say, is it one or the other.  Children are different and depression can affect them in many different ways.  The symptoms of depression can vary from child to child.  One child might lose weight but a different child may gain weight.  Just notice if a child’s weight has changed or if they don’t seem to be thriving, which means gaining the weight they are supposed to. 

 

  

I’ll stop here for now.  In my next post I’ll talk more about the symptoms of childhood depression.  Thank you so much for taking time to read my posts and thank you for trying to understand childhood depression a little better.  I really hope these posts have been or will be helpful.  I’d appreciate any comments.  I’m also interested in hearing about other people’s experiences with childhood depression and their symptoms.  I just ask that everyone be respectful of others.  Thank you so much.