Symptoms of Childhood Depression

This post is about the symptoms of childhood depression. 

If you are concerned that your child is suffering from depression please take the child to a therapist, counselor or other mental health professional for assessment.  Some of the symptoms of childhood depression are normal to have every once in a while but if the child has 3 or more of these symptoms that last most of the day, nearly every day for more than 2 weeks then it could be a concern.  Now I will get started with the symptoms.

Often times children who suffer from depression can have a lot of physical problems.  Emotional distress, pain and anxiety can cause headaches, nausea, stomach pain, muscles aches and even vomiting.  A child’s stomach can feel like it’s in knots; turning and churning, always tight, always tense.  The tension in a depressed child’s body can cause a lot of the physical issues they may have.   

On a personal note, I had a lot of physical complaints and illnesses like headaches and stomachaches but I also had earaches, jaw pain and back pain.  The headaches, earaches and jaw pain were caused by the stress and strain depression puts on a child’s mind and body.  My jaw muscles were so tense all the time, I would grit and grind my teeth.  This caused pain in my head, neck and face.  My back pain was caused by the tension in my body as well but I also used it as an excuse so I wouldn’t have to go to school. 

I loved learning and still do but I sometimes wanted to stay home because of my anxiety or because I didn’t want people at school to see me cry.  Depressed children can have a hard time controlling their tears.  At times I tried to hide my crying by rubbing my eyes really hard and saying my allergies were bothering me.  I needed a reason for red, watery, puffy eyes.  It was a helpful excuse. 

Another sign to look for is sadness or irritability.  A depressed child may not seem happy or smile very often.  If they do smile it can be because they want to hide how they really feel.  A depressed child may cry a lot or cry very easily.  They may be overly sensitive to criticism, rejection, failure or even something as simple as someone raising their voice can make the child cry.  Depression in quiet, shy children may be harder to recognize because they seem to have a tendency to turn their pain inward at themselves, blaming themselves.  They’re the ones who may be more likely to hide their pain. 

A depressed child may seem very moody.  One minute they can be fine, the next minute they are crying and throwing a tantrum.  Depression in some children can come out as irritability, anger and as acting out.  They may yell, argue or fight with a parent or other child.  They may scream and throw things or do things they know they aren’t supposed to do. 

Depressed children may be very fussy and whine more than other children.  The caregiver may have a very hard time trying to sooth a depressed child.  She may try talking to the child, holding him, hugging her or maybe even yelling but nothing seems to help.  Taking care of a depressed child can be more frustrating.  If you notice you are more frustrated by a child than by other children, that could be a concern.  Just remember the child is not being difficult on purpose or to bother you, they are suffering and don’t know what’s wrong or how to express their pain.  They need a little patience, a good therapist and a lot of love

Many depressed children may appear to not enjoy life or not enjoy the things they used to be interested in.  They may not have many friends.  If they do, they may spend less time with those friends or may stop playing with friends all together.  They may not enjoy sports they once liked or they may stop playing sports.  A depressed child may have little or no interest in playing with their toys, drawing or coloring.  They may play outside less or not at all.  They may stop reading books they like or stop playing video games.  If you notice your child doesn’t seem to have any fun or enjoy anything, you may want to get the child assessed or at least look to see if he has any other symptoms.

Some symptoms are more visible than others.  A depressed child may experience weight loss or weight gain. You may notice the child is eating less or maybe less often.  The child may not be gaining the weight that is expected as she grows.  I said in my previous post that depression can cause nausea and stomach problems.  Because of this some depressed children may not want to eat.  For some children the opposite may be true. 

You may notice the child is eating more food than usual and more often.  Some children may become emotional eaters.  I have seen some parents tell their children that eating will make them feel better.  It’s not a good idea to say that to children.  That can contribute to a child becoming someone who tries to stuff down all their pain with food instead of talking about what is making them feel bad.  Also when a child is under stress their bodies may crave carbohydrates like pasta and bread. 

I know it may seem odd that weight loss or weight gain can be symptoms.  Usually people say, is it one or the other.  Children are different and depression can affect them in many different ways.  The symptoms of depression can vary from child to child.  One child might lose weight but a different child may gain weight.  Just notice if a child’s weight has changed or if they don’t seem to be thriving, which means gaining the weight they are supposed to.

A depressed child may sleep too much or not enough.  Again depression affects children differently and symptoms can vary from child to child.  One child may sleep more and a different child my sleep less. 

The child may sleep longer or more often.  He may go to bed earlier and sleep later or may nap more often.  A child who rarely took naps before may take several naps a day.  One problem you may have is you think your child is sleeping but he may just be in bed crying and thinking terrible thoughts, pretending he is asleep. 

Some depressed children may have trouble sleeping.  She may have a hard time falling asleep.  If she does fall asleep, she may wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back to sleep or the child may wake up too early and have trouble falling back to sleep.  

A child may have trouble sleeping because all the negative thoughts they have are constantly running through their mind keeping them up.  Some depressed children can’t calm their brains down enough to fall asleep or some children may not want to sleep because of bad dreams or nightmares.   

Some depressed children may be more agitated than usual.  A child may have trouble sitting still.  The child may pace the floor.  They may fiddle with their clothes or other objects.  The child may seem on edge all the time and may startle more easily.  If your child has never had ADHD but you notice these agitated behaviors, it might be a concern.  

It may take a depressed child longer to think.  It may take the child longer to answer a question.  Their brain may need extra time because they can have trouble focusing, concentrating or understanding and may need more time to figure out what you want.  They may be so overwhelmed by their inner negative thoughts that it’s hard for them to pay attention to anything else. Also, their speech may be slower.  They may speak with a softer voice or they may not speak at all. 

A depressed child may say he’s always tired or he may seem very tired most of the time.  The child may want to just sit around or lie around and do nothing.  When a child does do something they may complain it’s too tiring.  It may take more effort for a child to do things.  It may take longer for a child to do things, maybe even twice as long.  I know from experience sometimes it’s hard to just move.  Depression, especially childhood depression, is exhausting.

Childhood depression is very difficult to go through.  It truly is living in Hell.  A depressed child may think they are not good enough or that they are bad even if they never get into trouble.  They may say they are stupid or nobody likes them.  They may think everything is their fault.  Everything they think about themselves is very negative.     

Depressed children may constantly think about past failure or rejection.  They may constantly think about future failure or rejection.  They may think that they’ll never be good at anything, like there is no hope for them.  Hopelessness is the worst thing about childhood depression.  Children are supposed to feel like they can accomplish anything but depressed children may not be able to see any goodness or light in their future.     

A depressed child may also have trouble remembering things.  They may have trouble learning something new.  As I said in before, their brain may have trouble focusing, concentrating and understanding.  They may be easily distracted.  Their grades may drop.  They may have trouble at school.  They may have behavior problems or they may not participate in class or during out of class activities.  They may have trouble or be afraid of making decisions or answering questions because of low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. 

I’d like to add a note here.  If your child does well in school and makes good grades it doesn’t mean she’s not depressed.  I did really well in school, I made good grades, I never got into any kind of trouble but I suffered from depression my entire childhood.     

This will be the last symptom of childhood depression that I will talk about.  It is also the worst symptom.  A child who is depressed may think a lot about death or suicide.  They may try to kill themselves.  A depressed child may talk a lot about death or ask a lot of questions about death like, “Does it hurt?”  The child may ask a lot of questions about heaven, God and Jesus.  They may seem preoccupied with dying.  

No one wants to think a child is in so much pain that they will kill themselves but I know from my own experiences some depressed children see death as a way out of their unbearable pain, maybe the only way out.  I tried to kill myself when I was 8 then again when I was 9 but nobody ever knew.  I hid it because I didn’t want to be stopped

I hope this explanation of symptoms of childhood depression is helpful.  Thanks so much

Neglectful Parenting and Childhood Depression

Neglectful parenting can be caused by many issues.  The parent may have a severe psychiatric disorder, a severe personality disorder, they may struggle with addiction or they may not know how to parent because they were neglected as children.  They may not know how a loving, caring, supportive parent is supposed to act or some may not care. 

Neglectful parents can be neglectful in different ways.  Some may not provide for their child’s basic needs.  Their children may not have enough to eat and they may not know how to wash, bathe or clean themselves.  Very young children who are neglected may not even be potty trained by the time they start school.  The child’s physical needs are neglected but their emotional needs are as well and that can be even worse. 

Children need to be loved.  They need to know they are loved.  They need a lot of positive interactions with adults so they can learn about and develop proper attachments.  Without these very early positive attachments a child may never be able to feel close to anyone or may never feel positive about anyone.  They may learn at a very early age that they are on their own. 

Neglectful parents can be emotionally distant and show little if any warmth, love or affection.  Neglected children may not care about others because they feel no one cares about them.  Neglected children often feel angry, unhappy and unloved.  They may not even understand what love is. 

Neglected children often have no coping skills or emotion regulation skills.  They may not know how to deal with or control all their negative emotions.  They can become overwhelmed by their emotions and act out by yelling, screaming, fighting or arguing. 

These children usually have terrible social skills because they don’t know how to act or interact with others.  They may not know how to share, how to be nice or how to make friends in an appropriate way.  They may feel that no one likes them or wants to be friends.  They may not understand you have to be friendly in order to make friends.  Many don’t know how to be friendly. 

These children can learn that it’s better, safer and easier to be alone.  If you’re alone no one can hurt you and these children are often very emotionally hurt.  Neglected children often feel fear, anxiety, anger and terrible sadness because they have so little support in their lives. 

Neglectful parents tend to have few rules, no expectations and place few demands on their children.  Many of the children have to raise themselves.  Neglected children can have a hard time understanding right from wrong or why something is wrong.  They may not understand how to behave or what is acceptable behavior. 

These children often have many behavior problems, low self-esteem and no self-confidence.  Many have no one in their lives to tell them they are good and smart or that they can achieve anything.  Many of these children do poorly in school.  They may have developmental delays or cognitive deficits.  They may not be at the same grade level as the other children their age.  They can be several grades behind.  Malnutrition and a lack of intellectual stimulation and emotional interactions can cause a delay in brain development.  They usually have no one to read to them or teach them colors, their alphabet or how to count.  A child can’t learn without someone to teach them.

These children, like their parents, often lack empathy and remorse.  They can be very selfish, self-centered and self-involved, just like their parents.  These children need a lot of help and many will continue to need help for the rest of their lives. They tend to be emotionally unstable, angry and very depressed.  With help they can improve but they need a lot of understanding and support to help give them hope for the future. 

Therapists and teachers are very important to these children because they can be the only ones who will help them.  If you know or work with a difficult child just remember it’s not entirely their fault.  It takes a lot of neglect and poor parenting to cause a child to be a behavior problem.  Most of these children have an issue or issues with dysthymia and depression.  They are more likely to externalize their depression because they can’t control themselves, their anger or their pain.  They are frustrating to work with but who can turn their back on a child in need and these children are in desperate need.