Shyness and Childhood Depression and Anxiety Part 1

In this post I’d like to talk about shyness and childhood depression and anxiety.  Some of my information has been taken from the American Psychological Association (2009).  The rest of my information comes from my education in clinical psychology and my own experiences. 

 

Shyness is not a mental illness.  It’s not a psychiatric disorder but many of the characteristics of shyness can be the same symptoms used to diagnose depression or an anxiety disorder. 

 

Children who are shy may avoid social situations and social interactions.  They may not have many friends because they are anxious around new people or people they don’t know well.  They may have very negative thoughts and feelings about themselves, the world and the future.  Many shy children have a very hard time standing up for themselves.  They can be withdrawn, overly sensitive and overly emotional.  These issues are very similar to the symptoms of childhood depression and may at least in part be caused by depression.  

 

Not all shy children have depression but many shy children can have an underlying anxiety issue or fearfulness that may need to be addressed.  There are different levels of shyness, different levels of avoidance and different levels of anxiety and depression.  The symptoms could be mild, moderate or severe depending on how many symptoms the child has, how often they happen and how much they affect a child’s ability to function.

 

Like I said not all shy children suffer from depression but those that do are often overlooked or even ignored because they have a tendency to internalize their pain.  Internalizing just means they turn all their pain and negative thoughts inward at themselves.  Many shy children suffer in silence.  I was a very shy, quiet, depressed and anxious child.  I internalized my pain.  I know what it’s like to suffer in silence.

 

I was so shy and afraid, I had a very hard time interacting with others I didn’t know well.  I hated going to crowded places.  I would always hide behind my momma’s leg and hold onto her for dear life.  I had difficulty making friends at school.  I often thought, “Nobody likes me. Nobody wants to play with me. I’ll never have friends. What’s wrong with me?”, as I sat alone at recess and cried. 

 

At first my teachers ignored my tears but I guess I cried too often.  Finally, one of my teachers yelled at me.  She told me to stop crying so much.  Then she called me a cry baby.  She said it in front of the entire class.  I was so embarrassed, humiliated and ashamed.  After that I tried not to cry at school but at times I couldn’t help it so I hid my eyes away from the teachers, away from the other children.  Embarrassing and humiliating a child for crying, only makes the child’s pain worse. 

 

My teacher made me feel weak and like I was a bad person.  I wasn’t a bad child.  I always did what I was told.  I never got into trouble.  I was always a very good child but I didn’t see the real world.  Pain, loneliness, guilt and shame were my reality and I don’t want them to be another child’s reality.  As a side note, please don’t punish a child for crying or being emotional.  Don’t make a child feel bad for who they are. 

Do you think a child should be sent to a therapist because of shyness?

 

I’ll end here for now.  My next post will be about shyness as well.  I hope these posts are helping people understand the struggles some children go through.  I ask that anyone who would like to comment be respectful of others.  Thank you so much.