Childhood Depression and a Mentally Ill Parent

Childhood depression is caused by many factors like trauma, biology and environment.  When a child struggles with all three of these factors she can’t help but have issues.  One environmental factor that can cause a great deal of stress and strain for a child is living with a mentally ill parent.  The best way I can explain what it’s like for a child who lives with a mentally ill parent is to use myself as an example. 

When a child first learns a parent has a mental illness they have a hard time understanding what that means.  A child, especially a young child, doesn’t know what a mental illness is or how it affects people.  A child of a mentally ill parent is often confused and afraid because they don’t know what is happening.

The day I learned about mental illness was the day my life was shattered into a million pieces.  I remember it all so clearly, like it happened yesterday.

I came home from school one cool, spring day.  I got off the school bus then walked inside our house and saw my grandmother sitting at the kitchen table talking to my aunt.  I looked all around for my mom to tell her I was home but I couldn’t find her anywhere.  I asked my grandmother, “Where’s mom?”  That’s when my life fell apart.

My grandmother told me my mom was in a psych hospital.  Then she said my mom was crazy and that she needed to shape up.  My grandmother didn’t care that my world had just shattered or how her words where making me feel.  She was just mad that my dad had to come home from work to take mom to the hospital.  

I didn’t understand what was happening.  It was very difficult to hear my grandmother say such mean things about my mom.  Unfortunately, many people feel that way about the mentally ill.  Even now some people can be very cruel and mean to people with a mental illness.  They don’t understand.  They don’t know what they are talking about.  The problem is they cause people with a mental illness pain but they also cause pain for the families of the mentally ill. 

The pain of having a parent with a mental illness can be too much for a child to take.  I was scared that my mom was gone.  I was scared because I didn’t know what was wrong with her and I was scared because my grandmother was saying my mom was crazy.  I didn’t know what that meant.  I didn’t understand what was happening or why it was happening. 

When my dad came home I asked him what was going on.  He explained that my mom had mental problems.  I didn’t understand what that meant.  He said she had been put on medication to keep her normal but she stopped taking her medicine because we couldn’t afford them.  He said mom was in a mental hospital and that we’d go see her on Saturday. 

I was so scared because I didn’t know what to expect.  I was already depressed and anxious but not having mom home made me worse.  I cried every night as I laid in bed.  I couldn’t sleep.  I couldn’t eat.  My stomach was always in knots and I was afraid.

Children don’t understand why a parent is mentally ill and that causes them a lot of fear and confusion.  Learning a parent is mentally ill is difficult for a child but seeing them when they are not thinking straight is even more stressful.  I’ll talk more about that in my next post.